it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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