you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
