at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
