addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
