So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
