I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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