I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
