Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
