we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
