just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
