When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need to align my fucking chakras
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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