and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
