sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
