I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
