I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
PANTIES FOUND
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