If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
