Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
