Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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