Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
