could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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