So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
