Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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