I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
