It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
