i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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