So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
