Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
