I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
