well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
