i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
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