you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
