I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
