remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
