I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
