Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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