Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
