i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
