Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
