The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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