True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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