also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
