if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
