This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
