he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
as a side note pls kill me
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
