what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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