so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
