I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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