My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
