who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
