when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
