The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
