Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
