I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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