Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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