What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
birth control should be required to get into college
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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