Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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