I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
